Self Control

Self-control is fundamental in martial arts.  Any martial arts class will work on this even if it’s not directly addressed.  Sometimes in classes for 4-8 year olds it is necessary to not only focus on the topic but dedicate exercises that develop it.  One of the exercises used in my son’s class is to stand for a specified time at attention without moving, talking or fidgeting.  It’s amazing how difficult it is for kids to do this and I argue many adults I know as well.

This simple activity or rather lack of activity is a form of meditation.  It uses a standing posture and guidance to help students develop the ability to focus and let go of distractions.  For kids the distractions are over-abundance of energy, itchy noses, noises, and talking to name a few.  It sets the stage for the kids to focus on the instructions that follow.  It gathers their energy which is critical to later stages of learning.

How can we use this simple exercise in our daily activities as adults?  Before entering a room where we have to present to an audience we can stand quietly for a moment or two.  We can stand quietly while waiting in line at the store or the airport.   We can suspend judgement and sit without moving during conversations which helps us listen with intent.   It’s up to us to find opportunities to use what we learn in our martial arts classes.  It’s up to us to exercise our self-control like the muscle it is.

Exercise the opportunities to calm yourself.
Exercise the opportunities to calm yourself.

Function of Stillness

We make vessels of clay,” observed Lao-tzu,
but their true nature is in the emptiness within.”

The Taoist Arts approach to stillness at least in the guise of meditation is emptying our minds without focussing on emptying or stillness itself.  There is no stated goal of Taoist meditation during a particular sitting session.  The direction is as simple as, “If thoughts come in, just let them go.  Don’t focus on them.”  This observation of our chattering mind is extremely useful as it allows us to experience how our particular mind works with the thoughts, feelings and what-nots that lurk within us.  Observing this while sitting still in a posture facilitating internal circulation allows us to connect mind and body in subtle ways.

Certainly, there are other martial arts and meditation practices that can help us connect in this manner.  The form is not as important as the non-judgmental observing of ourselves.  Over time with a long-term practice, we get to know ourselves and how we respond internally to the events around us. This understanding born out of observation enables us to see the myriad things in the world and not be moved by them.  Stillness emerges. Once we connect with some level of stillness within ourselves, we are more relaxed and able to weather difficult experiences.  Our manager can come yell at us and we respond with calm and listening to what’s behind the words so we can interact in a way to discharge the angst and deal with the problem at hand.  Our spouse can come home all wound up from work and we can interact with them  in such a way to help them understand they are home and safe.  We may find ourselves in a car accident and react as we can to avoid death or dismemberment if at all possible.  Connecting with the stillness within allows us to respond appropriately to the situation and it’s needs.  This is the function of stillness.  We see a need and fill the need.  We observe without judgement and do what’s necessary in the short-term while not sacrificing the long-term.

 

SIDE NOTE:  Stillness is an unstated foundational concept of managing the “business of you” I share on another blog at www.bizofyou.com.  Instead of meditation, martial arts or other art forms, it looks at ourselves through the lenses of business and systems thinking to ultimately achieve the same thing, using stillness to create the life we truly want.

Practicing Stillness

As stated in the post, Using our Bubbling Spring, I’ve added a fictional collaboration to my manuscript where various characters come together in a tai chi class to create the book Managing the Business of You.   The concepts in the book are derived from quality and business management principles but are born out of my work in the internal martial arts.  Here’s another except from the manuscript I’m attempting to discover an agent who connects with the ideas therein.

After the retreat our collaborators went out for dinner together. They talked of their experiences.  They shared how their bodies felt after a weekend retreat.  They related how their thinking had changed through the course of the weekend.  Emmet agreed and indicated he could see it in the faces and bodies of most of the participants during the final meditation session. “The stillness was palpable.  People’s bodies were relaxed and there was a spirit in their eyes that was not so evident when we started a couple of days ago. There was something under the surface so to speak that helped people maintain upright postures and a relaxed nature even with the two ambulances roared past during the sitting sessions. “I think if the ambulances had come by when we started, people would not have been able to stay centered.”  Sarah was smiling. “As you were describing our retreat, I had the image of an iceberg come to mind.”  Connie loved these random associations.  They showed active imagination and free association she tried so hard to get people in her practice to let happen. “Icebergs are amazing symbols.  They are so stable amidst both calm and rough seas.  They emerge out of the great ice floes at the poles and float out into the oceans shedding material and adding their pent up water to the environment.” Emmet followed the flow of meaning developing.  “That’s a good image of the class but not necessarily the icy coldness of an iceberg.”  Connie immediately added, “symbols are not perfect just like life itself.”  Emmet continued, “the class was very stable like an iceberg despite the agitating nature of the ambulances and other distractions.”  Felicia had an odd look on her face.  “I don’t know if I follow the whole iceberg analogy, but I definitely felt the connect we had as a group. Everyone was working better together after the meditation sessions.  Our movements felt more alive and expressive as well.”  Ricky and Ronda Roots said at the same time, “We were connecting.”

The group was amused as usual when Ricky and Ronda spoke at the same time with the same or similar words.  The completed each other’s sentences and did not regret the interruption.  The Roots have a connection that few relationships do. They integrated so much of their lives it was like they were of one mind.  Although no one had asked, most wondered what their sex life was as connected as they appear to be.  The collaborators enjoyed this even if it was a little threatening to the feeling of loneliness within us all. Felicia added to the dialog, “We were connected, having fun and just allowing ourselves to be who we are.” Emmet was enjoying the fact that his instructions had a positive impact on people’s lives outside of class. “We were practicing stillness.”